Conflict does not have to be the fault of anyone; sometimes circumstances arise that simply are the way they are. On the other hand, there are conflicts that are sometimes caused by another. No matter what the circumstance is, conflict rarely goes away unless it is productively addressed. If conflict is not resolved and hurtful communications continue, issues will remain unaddressed.  If not productively managed, conflict has the potential of being greatly destructive. Take heart!

Conflict may begin on a negative note, but conflict can end on a positive one. Do you realize that conflict has a purpose?  For one, it serves as a warning measure.  More importantly, it serves as an avenue for change -- for growth and understanding.

The purpose of the following articles is to help the reader understand how differences in personalities and temperaments can affect our responses to stress and how to work with those differences in respect to conflict resolution. Accepting one another's uniqueness without undermining the value of one another's differences can be of great value in conflict resolution. When we learn to work with our differences rather than against them, the task of resolving conflict becomes a little easier.

The temperament descriptions herein have been derived from various sources and we do not claim to be experts on personalities or any disorders.  These articles are intended to be a lighthearted look at our differences. Each temperament described herein has certain characteristic weaknesses and strengths. Let's see if you can guess your own temperament, as well as the temperaments of others important in your life.

When a Sanguine temperament person enters a room the energy level rises at least two degrees and a quiet tone in a group can suddenly turn into lively laughter and chatter. Sanguines have an appealing personality; they are talkative and usually are the life of the party. They possess a good sense of humor.

They have a memory for color. Their speech patterns are lively and colorful as well. They are demonstrative and expressive speakers. They have a changeable disposition and shift with the social atmospheric pressure whenever needed. They can be almost childlike by being cheerful, inquisitive, enthusiastic and energetic.

As a friend and a parent, they can make home life fun. A Sanguine parent will often be the favorite parent of choice with your children's friends. You can always tell there is a Sanguine parent in the house when the kids in the neighborhood, along with all dogs and cats, are waiting at the door for the Sanguine parent to come out and play.

The melancholy temperament is deeply thoughtful and sensitive.  They are usually a quieter individual and like to watch, look and listen before participating.  They love to analyze things and often enjoy graphs and charts.  Many teachers, poets, artists, songwriters and musicians have melancholy temperaments. They are artistic and appreciative of beauty.  They are sensitive to the needs of others and are often self-sacrificing. They are usually very gifted, creative and talented.

If you have a bossy, strong willed child, you have a child with strong choleric tendencies. A choleric temperament person is often fidgety. They are impatient, strong-willed and decisive. They are not easily discouraged.  They are tenacious and they do not give up.

The good thing about a choleric tempered person is they excel in almost any circumstance. They are born leaders. You can present them with almost any problem or challenge and rest assured that it will be taken care of. They revel in feeling needed and they appreciate affirmation of a job well done.

As a parent, they have a strong sense of right and wrong. They exert sound leadership in a family and are fiercely protective of those that they love.  They motivate children towards reaching goals and will provide needed leadership to see that those under their care succeed. They are fiercely loyal and will lay aside their own needs to ensure that those they love are cared for.

The phlegmatic personality is low-key, easygoing and relaxed.  They are patient, well-balanced and calm.  They usually have a consistent and well-balanced lifestyle.  While they are quiet, they are also possess a witty sense of humor.  They are sympathetic and kindhearted. They are content in almost any surrounding or circumstance and go with the flow of life. They have a calming disposition in times of trouble. They are not open about their emotions and are not quick to express their true feelings -- mainly because they do not want to hurt another's feelings.  They do not like feeling vulnerable by exposing their own thoughts without trusting first. 

The phlegmatic will take time for others and is not hurried.  They are very patient with children and make wonderful parents.  They can take the good with the bad and do not easily become upset.  They are competent, steady, peaceful and agreeable.  They oftentimes possess excellent administrative ability.  They are natural born mediators and work well under pressure.

We all have different ways we respond to conflict.  We respond differently to situations and to people depending upon the dynamics of a relationship. We all are a blend of temperaments and conflict resolution styles. We have different perceptions, life experiences, talents and desires.

There is no right or wrong conflict resolution behavioral style.  It is simply our tendencies to react to others under stressful circumstances.  Much depends on our temperaments, our defense mechanisms, the degree of tension and stakes involved. We also react and respond to individuals differently.  Some people and circumstances bring out the best in us and others -- don't. Our style develops with life experience, the temperaments we were born with, our perceptions of the world around us, our communication style, and even our gender differences.

Journaling can be a powerful tool in resolving inner turmoil, broadening perspectives, and seeing solutions. If you are journaling personal issues, thoughts and feelings, be sure to not only journal negative thoughts, feelings and challenges. Be sure to look at all sides.  Not only should you list your concerns and feelings, but the old saying of "count your blessings" is good mental health.

Journaling is a tool for conflict preparation as well. Journaling can help sort out your emotions, prepare you to clearly articulate your needs and concerns, and look for win-win solutions.

Combat negative thinking! It is nonproductive. As a matter of fact, we recommend that people counteract every negative thought with something good -- at least better!  It may not change the facts of a situation, but it broadens perspective.

We can, and should, monitor how our thought processes are affecting our perceptions.  It is akin to the effect a sunny day may have versus a cloudy day. It has an effect on our outlook. The weather does not usually change important things in our lives for better or worse, but somehow, when the sun is shining life appears a little brighter.

All of the following journaling approaches have common veins: (1) Understanding yourself (2) Understanding others (3) Using resources to address challenges (4) Working through solutions.The journaling approaches serve as a prelude to the Ten Step Problem Solving Process.  The Ten Step Problem Solving Process is an effective prelude to effective dialogue in joint problem solving.